This girl called Anita in my gym went to see her family doctor for her diet plan.
Anita said to the doc,”My worry is my height and not how much I weigh.”
The doctor was surprised and asked, “And why is that?”
Anita replied, “If you go by my weight, I should be 7 feet and 5 inches tall!”
At a leading newspaper’s office, Robin asked his boss, “Do you think I should put some fire into my articles.”
The boss replied with sarcasm, “It might help if you do the reverse.”
Jason was upset when he saw Cauliflower again on the dinner table. He glared at his wife Mary, and said, “Cauliflowers again? Eating Cauliflowers will make me a donkey in my next birth!”
“Oh!”, exclaimed Mary, “You should have thought about it in your previous birth!”
The little infant was baptized and when the family was headed home in their car, the infant’s 5 year old sister Betty started crying.
The concerned mother asked, “What’s the matter with you, Betty?”
Betty replied, “The person who dipped the baby said he hoped baby was raised in a good Christian home. But I want her to stay with us.”
Little Johnny and Josie, all of 6 years, go to their teacher with a question. Johnny asks, “Can kids our age have babies of their own?”
The teacher, rather surprised, exclaimed, “No!! It is not possible. Why do you ask such a question?”
Little Johnny, turning to Josie, said, “Didn’t I tell you there’s nothing to be scared of.”
Bubba put up a sale Sign in front of his store which read : “For SALE – BOAT.”
His friend Luka asked him, “You don’t have a boat. You just own a motorcycle and a scooter..then what is this sign for?
“Yeah”, said Bubba, “Them both for sale!”
Well, I met this redhead in the pub last night.
She said to me, “Tell you what, if you lost a few kilos, get a shave and a hair cut, you would look good.”
I said to her, “If I did what you said, I would be talking to your pals over there instead of you.”
Dave and Gary are having a conversation over drinks.
Dave, wanting to inquire about Gary’s wife, asks, “So how is Betty taking her pregnancy?”
Gary answers, “Betty is not pregnant. She is expecting.”
Dave, intrigued, asks, “Hello! How is it different?”
Gary shoots back, “Well, When I return home from office, she is expecting me to cook dinner, she is expecting me to pick up the trash, she is expecting me to walk the dog, she is expecting me to wash the clothes….”
Ed was going to meet a friend at his office. He was trying to kick his habit of smoking and was chewing on an unlit cigar when he got into the elevator.
A woman looked at him angrily and said, “May I please remind you that smoking is prohibited in the lift.”
Ed replied, “I aint smoking lady.”
The woman said, “But you have a cigar in your mouth.”
Ed taunted, “I am wearing Jockey shorts too, but I aint riding a horse.”
Mrs. Hoggins from the city went to the countryside to buy a cow.
She said to the farmer, “Hello, why doesn’t this cow have any horns?”
The farmer looked at her for a moment, then started patiently, “Well, ma’am, cattle can do a whole lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we trim them down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix up the young ones by putting a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops the growth. Still, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow doesn’t have any horns, ma’am, is ’cause it’s a horse.”