Martin was in a teasing mood and suggested: “Hey Dean, this is nothing. Just go home, put your mouth to the tail pipe and blow as hard as you can. The dents will pop out.”

Dean went home and did what he was told. No result. His wife Marie saw what he was doing and asked: “What on the earth you are doing?” Dean told her.

Marie was thoughtful for a while, then said: “All the air you are blowing is going out of the windows. I suppose you should roll them up first.”

A few moments on your lips

Forever on your hips.

Arthur Dent sat and quivered. He had no idea what he was in for, but he knew that he hadn’t liked anything that had happened so far and didn’t think things were likely to change.

The Vogon began to read – a fetid little passage of his own devising.

“Oh twitter xanga…” he began. Spasms wracked Ford’s body – this was worse than ever he’d been prepared for.

“… thy topix are to me–As orkut skype on a lulu bee.”

“Aaaaaaarggggghhhhhh!” went Ford Prefect, wrenching his head back as lumps of pain thumped through it. He could dimly see beside him Arthur lolling and rolling in his seat. He clenched his teeth.

“Digg I implore thee,” continued the merciless Vogon, “my ning shutterfly.”

His voice was rising to a horrible pitch of impassioned stridency. “And rollyo woot me with wikia flickr,– Or I will rend thee in the squidoo with my stornge, see if I don’t!”

“Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggggcccccc!” cried Ford Prefect and threw one final spasm as the electronic enhancement of the last line caught him full blast across the temples. He went limp.

Pat came the reply: “Message received. We are at the Norwegian lighthouse. Now then, if you know what is good for you, change your course to 15 degrees west.”

Mr. Smith was troubled a second time when another competitor leased the building on his right, and erected a much larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.

At this point Smith was really depressed, however, he came up with an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop…it read MAIN ENTRANCE.

PCMCIA – People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
WWW – World Wide Wait
COBOL – Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
MIPS – Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
WINDOWS – Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
MICROSOFT – Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
LISP – Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis
DOS – Defective Operating System
BASIC – Bill’s Attempt to Seize Industry Control
IBM – I Blame Microsoft

Decades ago, Russi was on a visit to the Tata house and he had parked his car right outside the building. A traffic police constable on duty tried to intimidate Russi: “Yahan kyon gaadi park ki hai? Ye tere baap ka rasta hai?” (Why have you parked your car here? Is this your father’s street?)

Not to be outdone, Russi dragged the fellow to one side end of the lane and pointed to a board which read: “Homi Modi Street* .” Then said: “Haan, ye mere baap ka rasta hai.” (Yes, this is my father’s street).

* The great industrialist, Sir Homi Modi, was Russi Modi’s father.

In case you’re wondering where your tax dollars go, 21 percent goes to Medicare and Medicaid, 20 percent to social security, 20 percent to defense spending, and the other 39 percent they squander.