May 14th, 2012 by admin
A guy goes into a store but the prices are too high as he is about to leave the merchant questions him as to why he is leaving.
“The prices are too high”
“Well” the merchant says, “you should come back next week we are having a fire sale”.
The patron says, “What do you mean you are having a fire sale next week?”
The merchant says, “Shhh”
May 13th, 2012 by admin
The sweat stood out cold on Ford Prefect’s brow, and slid round the electrodes strapped to his temples. The Vogons wanted to be very much on top of the next-generation web. And they had the technology to show it – ajaxian social media delivering crowdsourcing network effects via software-as-a-service – all designed to heighten the experience of the sites and make sure that not a single nuance of the next-generation web’s poetry was lost.
Arthur Dent sat and quivered. He had no idea what he was in for, but he knew that he hadn’t liked anything that had happened so far and didn’t think things were likely to change.
The Vogon began to read – a fetid little passage of his own devising.
“Oh twitter xanga…” he began. Spasms wracked Ford’s body – this was worse than ever he’d been prepared for.
“… thy topix are to me–As orkut skype on a lulu bee.”
“Aaaaaaarggggghhhhhh!” went Ford Prefect, wrenching his head back as lumps of pain thumped through it. He could dimly see beside him Arthur lolling and rolling in his seat. He clenched his teeth.
“Digg I implore thee,” continued the merciless Vogon, “my ning shutterfly.”
His voice was rising to a horrible pitch of impassioned stridency. “And rollyo woot me with wikia flickr,– Or I will rend thee in the squidoo with my stornge, see if I don’t!”
“Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggggcccccc!” cried Ford Prefect and threw one final spasm as the electronic enhancement of the last line caught him full blast across the temples. He went limp.
May 9th, 2012 by admin
Pilot jokes based on recent events
* Last week a JetBlue pilot had a meltdown on a flight to Las Vegas. But there is a happy ending, the post office has now offered him a job.
* Today Allegiant Airlines will start charging $35 extra if you have carry-on bags. Meanwhile, JetBlue is charging $35 extra if you want a pilot who isn’t insane.
* The Delta flight attendant was removed for acting unstable, but on the bright side he was immediately hired as a pilot for JetBlue.
* Up in Sacramento this week a man jumped on the hood of a police car that was moving. Started screaming his name. He was wearing a puffy winter jacket, a sombrero, one boxing glove. Police say the guy was in a total state of delirium. They didn’t arrest him. Turns out just a JetBlue pilot on break. He was just on break.
* An Australian pilot said a snake appeared in his lap in the cockpit of his plane. It seems the “snake” would appear every time a pretty flight attendant would walk into the cockpit.
May 8th, 2012 by admin
Bob is walking down a country road when he spots Farmer Harris standing in the middle of a huge field of corn doing absolutely nothing. Bob, curious to find out what’s
happening, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, “Excuse me Farmer Harris, could you tell me what you are you doing?”
“I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize,” the farmer replies.
“A Nobel Prize?” enquires Bob, puzzled. “How?”
“Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field.”
May 8th, 2012 by admin
Tom says to his boss, “I need a pay hike. There are 3 other companies that are chasing me.
The Boss says, “:Really? Which are these three companies?’
Tom replies, “Power, Telephone and Credit card companies.”