February 25th, 2011 by admin
A biscuit maker writes a love letter to his girlfriend:
“Dear MARIE,
Yesterday was a very GOOD DAY! Our meeting was truly MASKA CHASKA.
But the chance of success of our love story is 50-50, because your father is a TIGER.
Will you give your LITTLE HEART to me…….
Otherwise I will become a KRACK JACK……”
February 3rd, 2011 by admin
Actual label instructions on consumer goods
On a Myer hairdryer: “Do not use while sleeping”. – (Darn, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. – Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: “Directions: Use like regular soap”. – (And that would be how???)
On some frozen dinners: “Serving suggestion: Defrost”. – (But, it’s just a suggestion).
On Nanna’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): “Do not turn upside down”. -(Well…duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: “Product will be hot after heating”. -(And you thought????…)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: “Do not iron clothes on body”. -(But wouldn’t this save me more time?)
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine: “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication”. – (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: “Warning: May cause drowsiness”. – (And…I’m taking this because???)
On most brands of Christmas lights: “For indoor or outdoor use only”. – (As opposed to…what?)
On a Japanese food processor: “Not to be used for the other use”. – (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)
On Nobby’s peanuts: “Warning: contains nuts”. – (Talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: “Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts”. – (Step 3: maybe, uh…fly Delta?)
I don’t blame the company, I blame the parents for this one:
On a child’s superman costume: “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly”.
On a Swedish chainsaw: “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals”.
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
January 11th, 2011 by admin
John Penny’s epitaph in the Wimborne, England , cemetery:
Reader, if cash: Thou art in want of any, Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.
December 6th, 2010 by admin
Computer novices may feel like they’re alone these days, but the following call to IBM’s help center show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information superhighway.
After a caller gave a technician her PC’s serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, “I see you have an Aptiva” desktop unit.
Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she’d be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: “Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe.”
November 18th, 2010 by admin
The 12th annual “Mow Down Show Down Lawn Mower Championship” was held in Avon Park, Florida earlier this year, bringing out the best and fastest in Lawnmower racing. It also brought out some colorful names. Entries included: Weedy Gonzales, Blading Saddles, Turfinator, Sodzilla and Mr. Mowjangles.