Best Short Funny Jokes, Good Joke collection ever

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dachshund dog along for company.

One day, the Dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the Dachshund discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The Dachshund thinks, “I’m in deep trouble now! Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the Dachshund exclaims loudly, “Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here.”

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. “Whew,” says the leopard. “That was close. That Dachshund! Nearly had me.”

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes. But the Dachshund sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, “Here monkey, hop on my back and see what’s going to happen to that conniving canine.”

Now the Dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks “What am I going to do now?” But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn’t seen them yet… And just when they get close enough to hear,

The Dachshund says…….. ……… …..

“Where’s that damn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard.”

A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.

If you are going to try cross-country running, start with a small country.

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the “y” becomes silent.

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. – Anonymous

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. – Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than heloves himself. – Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. – Andy Rooney

Dogs love their friends & bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love & always have to mix love & hate. – Anonymous

Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. – Franklin P. Jones

If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise- Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.- Joe Weinstein

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. – Robert A. Heinlein

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. – Mark Twain

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. – Roger Caras

If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them. – Phil Pastoret

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he was walking away, I called after him, “So, what was wrong?”

He replied, “It was an ID ten T error.”

I didn’t want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired:

“An ID ten T error?

What’s that … In case I need to fix it again?”

The computer guy grinned….

“Haven’t you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?”

“No,” I replied.

“Write it down,” he said, ” and I think you’ll figure it out.”  So I wrote out ……

I D 1 0 T

A guy finds a sheep wandering in his neighborhood and takes it to the police station. The desk sergeant says, “Why don’t you just take it to the zoo?”

The next day, the sergeant spots the same guy walking down the street—with the sheep. “I thought I told you to take that sheep to the zoo,” the sergeant says.

“I know what you told me,” the guy responds. “Yesterday I took him to the zoo. Today I’m taking him to the movies.”

No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife isn’t saying.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier