Best Short Funny Jokes, Good Joke collection ever

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to
his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars:
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean  soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon,
the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol -  Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke – Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup – Dead
Fourth worm in good clean soil – Alive.

So the  Minister asked the congregation – What can you learn from
this demonstration?

Maya who was  sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said,
“As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you  won’t have worms!”

That pretty much ended the service.

An elderly couple was attending our church’s 8:00 am mass.

About halfway through (just after the homily), the wife leaned over and whispered to her husband,  ‘I just let out a long silent fart. What do you think I should do?

He replied, ‘Put a new battery in your hearing aid.’

Veer Savarkar once started addressing a public meeting in Hindi at
Bangalore.

The crowd started shouting “Speak in Kannada. We will hear only in
Kannada.”

Veer Savarkar replied ” Friends, I have spent 14 years of rigorous
imprisonment in ill famous Andaman Jail where all freedom fighters like me
were kept.  I have learned Bengali from the freedom fighters coming from
Bengal, Hindi from those coming from Uttar Pradesh, even Guajarati and
Punjabi. Unfortunately there was none from Karnataka from whom I could have learned Kannada.”
…and there was pin drop silence.

Wife hits her husband with frying pan

Husband: Why…What happened?

Wife:  I found a paper in your pocket with the name Jenny on it.

Husband:  I took part in a race last week and Jenny was the name of my horse.

Wife:  Sorry..!

Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again.

Husband: What now..?

Wife:  Your horse is on the Phone

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his Audience. He Said: “The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn’t my wife!”

The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: “And that woman was my mother!”

Laughter and Applause!!!
A week later, a top manager trained by the Motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke At home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to His wife who was preparing dinner, “The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my Wife!”

The wife went; “ahhhh!” with shock and rage.

Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second Half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out “…and I can’t remember who she was!”

By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water.

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM, Wake up.”

A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friends with him.
While he’s talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off. As they’re leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, “Thanks for the peanuts.
” She says, “Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off ‘em.

A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.

They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,…. “Rest in Peace.”

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied,

“Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,… ‘Congratulations on your new location!’”

A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss “what is the meaning of appraisal?”

Boss: “Do you know the meaning of resignation? ”
Trainee: “Yes I do”
Boss: “So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it with resignation”

Comparison study : Appraisal and Resignation
In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors and failures.
In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past achievements and success.

In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.
In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more than 50-60% hike.

During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn’t meet the expectation, you don’t have leadership qualities, and you had several drawbacks in our objective/goal.
During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.

There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after appraisal.
There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the resignation.

Trainee: “Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal I will have to resign … !!!”

Teacher   : Correct the sentence, “A bull and a cow is grazing in the
Field”
Student   : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field
Teacher   : How?
Student   : Ladies first.