Best Short Funny Jokes, Good Joke collection ever

A wife hit her husband with a frying pan.
Husband: What was that for..?
Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the name Jenny on it.
Husband: I took part in a race last week and Jenny was the name of my horse.
Wife: Sorry..!
Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again
Husband: What now..?
Wife: Your horse is on the Phone.

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.

The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?”

The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight, and is sick most mornings.”

The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant — about 4 months, would be my guess.”

The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?”

Darla says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!”

The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, “Is there something wrong out there doctor?” The doctor replies, “No, not really, it’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I’ll be damned if I’m going to miss it this time!”

Someone out there must be “deadly” at Scrabble.
—-> PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

—-> ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

—-> DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

—-> THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

—-> GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

—-> THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

—-> DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

—-> SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

—-> ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

—-> ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES – LET’S RECOUNT

—-> SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S

—-> A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I’M A DOT IN PLACE

—-> THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

—-> ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

—-> MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Why do jocks play on artificial turf?

To keep them from grazing.

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
“Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!” he exclaimed . The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
“Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?” he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said, “Well….last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma’s idea.

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.

The note read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.”

Bill walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged standing at the counter enthusiastically writing addresses on bright pink envelopes covered with hearts.
He then takes out a scent bottle and starts spraying perfume over them. Bills curiosity gets the better of him and he walks over to the man and asks him what he’s doing.
Im sending out 1,000 Valentine’s Day cards signed, “Guess who? says the man.
Why on earth are you doing that? asks Bill.
Because I am a divorce lawyer. replies the man.

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary.They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known “happy going marriage”.  Editor: “Sir. It’s amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?”Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: ”We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse’s back and said “This is your first time”. She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said “This is your second time” and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!I shouted at my wife: “What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you  crazy?” ..She gave a silent look and said: “This is your first time!!!”.”  Husband:”That’s it. We are happy ever after.”

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the “y” becomes silent.