Best Short Funny Jokes, Good Joke collection ever

The minister’s car wouldn’t start, so he called the garage.
When the tow truck driver arrived, the minister says, “I hope you go easy on me. You know I’m only a poor preacher.”
“Yep,” replied the tow truck driver, “I’ve heard you preach.”

Some Americans were traveling through Mexico when one of them saw a man on the ground having a siesta. “Excuse me, sir,”the American said. “Do you know the time?”
The Mexican looked at the American. The he reached over and held the donkey’s balls and appeared to weigh them in his hand.
“Ten after two,” he said, at last.
“My word!” said the American. He caught up to his tour group and insisted some of the others return with him. “You’ve never seen anything like this!” he promised.
The group went back with him. Again he asked for the time. Again the guy reached for the donkey’s balls. Again, he seemed to be weighing them as he moved them to and fro. Finally, he announced, “Twenty-one minutes past two.”
The others were amazed. They went on their way, but the original discoverer of the miracle time-teller remained. He leaned over, “Listen,” he confided, “I’ll give you twenty dollars if you show me how you do that.”
The Mexican thought for a moment and then nodded. Pocketing the twenty-dollar bill, he beckoned for the American to kneel down where he was. Then he took the donkey’s balls and gently moved them to the side out of the way, and said, “Do you see that clock over there?”

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his
customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove
it to you.”
The barber puts a quarter in one hand and two nickels in the other,
then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the two nickels and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take two nickels
instead of the quarter?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because THE DAY I TAKE THE
QUARTER, THE GAME IS OVER”

Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist.
If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for seven years.
The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board overlooking an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs.
The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump.
“Congratulations! You’re a free man. Just tell me why didn’t you jump?” asked the doctor.
To which the third patient answered, “Well Doc, I can’t swim!”

Q: Why does a blonde always fail her road test?
A: Because every time the car stops, she jumps in the backseat!

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises,
two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, “What happened to you?”
“Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a
difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture.
We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one
of the cows had something white at its rear end.”
“I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf
ball with my wife’s monogram on it – stuck right in the middle of the
cow’s ass.”
Still holding the cow’s tail up, I yelled to my wife, “Hey, this looks
like yours!”
“I don’t remember much after that…”

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops – a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.
At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight,built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.
He glared at the driver and said, “Big John doesn’t pay!” and sat down at the back.
Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn’t argue with Big John, but he wasn’t happy about it.
The next day the same thing happened – Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down.
And the next day, and the next.
This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.
By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what’s more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, “Big John doesn’t pay!”
The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, “And why not? ”
With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, “Big John has a bus pass .”
Management Lesson: “Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one.”

Late one night in the Washington D.C., a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.
“Give me your money!” he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!”
“In that case,” replied the robber, “give me MY money!”

A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a department store. He was impressing the people who stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture and stress.

Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both halves of the ‘unbreakable’ comb for everyone to see and said, “And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an unbreakable comb looks like on the inside.”

A woman goes to Italy to attend a 2-week, company training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
The wife answers: ” Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you?”
The husband laughs and says: ” An Italian girl!!!”
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up at the airport and asks:
“So, honey, how was the trip?”
“Very good, thank you.”
“And, what happened to my present?”
“Which present?” She asked.
“The one I asked for – an Italian girl !!”
“Oh, that” she said “Well, I did what I could; now we have to wait for nine months to see if it is a girl!!!”
Moral of the story: Don’t tempt a woman, they are dangerous !