October 30th, 2010 by admin

A NORTHERNER MOVES TO ARIZONA

May 30th – Just moved to Arizona. Now this is a state that knows how to
live . beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings . mountains and
deserts blended together. What a place!! I watched the sunset, from a
park, lying on a blanket. It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my home.
I love it here.

June 14th – Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem . I live
in an air-conditioned home and drive an air-conditioned car. What a
pleasure to see the sun every day like this. I’m turning into a real sun
worshipper.

June 30th – Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today, lots
of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me.
Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th – The temperature hasn’t been below 100 all week. How do
people get used to this kind of heat? At least it’s a dry heat. Getting
used to it is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th – Fell asleep by the pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of
my body.) Missed two days of work, what a dumb thing to do. I learned my
lesson though: got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.

July 20th – I missed Tabby (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left
this morning. By the time I got out to the hot car for lunch, Tabby had
swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and exploded all over $2,000
worth of leather upholstery. I told the kids she ran away. The car now
smells like Kibbles and kitty bits. No more pets in this heat!

July 25th – Dry heat, my a*s! Hot is hot!! The home air conditioner is
on the fritz and AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me
he needed to order parts.

July 30th – Been sleeping outside by the pool for three nights now.
$1,500 in damn house payments and we can’t even go inside. Why did I
ever come here?

Aug 4th – It’s 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.
It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to about 90. Stupid repairman
pissed in my pool. I hate this state.

Aug 8th – If another wise-a*s cracks, “Hot enough for you today?” I’m
going to tear his throat out. Cursed heat. By the time I get to work the
radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like
roasted Garfield!!

Aug 10th – The weather report might as well be a recording: Hot and
sunny. It’s been too hot to live for two months and the weatherman says
it might really warm up next week. Doesn’t it ever rain in this barren
desert? Water rationing has been in effect all summer, so $1,700 worth
of cactus just dried up and blew into the pool. Even a cactus can’t live
in this heat.

Aug 14th – Welcome to Hell!!! Temperature got to 123 today. Forgot to
crack the window and blew the windshield out of the Lincoln. The
installer came to fix it and said, “Hot enough for you today?” My wife
had to spend the $1,500 house payment to bail me out of jail.

Aug 30th – Worst day of the summer. I’m not leaving the house. The
monsoon rains finally came and all they did is to make it muggier than
hell. The Lincoln is now floating somewhere in Mexico with its new $500
windshield. That does it, we’re moving back to Massachusetts for some
peace and quiet.