Short funny jokes

Archive for the ‘Really funny jokes’ Category

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a kebab is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.

Joke: What is it with kebab shop workers obsessively offering salad and chili sauce? They get twitchy over it don’t they? Its almost as if they have a hidden agenda..like the big kebab boss is incentivising them to get rid of the stuff! I’m sure they have like, weekly team meetings about it. (Kebab boss): “leyton kebab has done 400 kilo of chili sauce and a ton and a half of salad…(everyone claps) but at the bottom of the table is the woodford branch who have only managed 20 kilo of sauce and salad!” “would you like to explain yourself woodford branch!(woodford branch rep) “yes er well we are trying but…but” (Interrupted by kebab boss) now do we have to go through your training again….repeat after me…SALAD!….CHILLI SAUCE” (woodford branch reluctantly repeat) salad..chilli sauce.. (Kebab Boss) OPEN OR WRAP!!! (woodford branch again reluctantly repeat)open or wrap… (Kebab Boss):”good good….you try harder next month!…next on the agenda…….BURGER SAUCE!!!!!

One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.

“What’s the matter?” the bartender asks.

“My wife and I got into a fight,” explained the guy “and now she isn’t talking to me for a whole 31 days.”

The bartender thought about this for a while. “But, isn’t it a good thing that she isn’t talking to you?” asked the bartender.

“Yeah, except today is the last night.”

Cessna: “Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.”

Tower: “Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!”

Cessna: “Uh…tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is.”

What do you call a accordionist with a beeper?

An optimist.