Short funny jokes » Really funny jokes

Health jokes-Around the middle

admin — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 08:46:18 +0000

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO… Cocoa beans… another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for my figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Really funny jokes-False teeth

admin — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 07:58:03 +0000

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.

Turning to the man next to him he said: – I forgot my teeth.

The man said: – No problem.

With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. – Try these – he said.

The speaker tried them. – Too loose – he said.

The man then said: – I have another pair…try these.

The speaker tried them and responded: – Too tight.

The man was not taken back at all. He then said: – I have one more pair of false teeth…try them.

The speaker said: – They fit perfectly.

With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.

- I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I’ve been looking for a good dentist.

The man replied: – I’m not a dentist. I’m the local undertaker.

Health fitness jokes-Body fat

admin — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 09:34:25 +0000

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good.

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Hilarious jokes-Swede

admin — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 09:18:31 +0000

A Swede was walking down the street with a duck under his arm.

“Where did you find that monkey?” asked the fellow pedestrian.

“It happens to be a duck.” claimed the Swede.

“Shut up, Swede! I am talking to the duck.”

Really funny jokes-Principal’s daughter

admin — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 12:28:03 +0000

“Isn’t the principal a dummy!” said a boy to a girl.

“Say, do you know who I am?” asked the girl.

“No.”

“I’m the principal’s daughter.”

“And do you know who I am?” asked the boy.

“No,” she replied.

“Thank goodness!”

Health fitness jokes-Cut down on meat

admin — Sun, 04 Dec 2011 07:20:40 +0000

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a kebab is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken.

Really funny jokes-Kebab boss

admin — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 06:58:36 +0000

Joke: What is it with kebab shop workers obsessively offering salad and chili sauce? They get twitchy over it don’t they? Its almost as if they have a hidden agenda..like the big kebab boss is incentivising them to get rid of the stuff! I’m sure they have like, weekly team meetings about it. (Kebab boss): “leyton kebab has done 400 kilo of chili sauce and a ton and a half of salad…(everyone claps) but at the bottom of the table is the woodford branch who have only managed 20 kilo of sauce and salad!” “would you like to explain yourself woodford branch!(woodford branch rep) “yes er well we are trying but…but” (Interrupted by kebab boss) now do we have to go through your training again….repeat after me…SALAD!….CHILLI SAUCE” (woodford branch reluctantly repeat) salad..chilli sauce.. (Kebab Boss) OPEN OR WRAP!!! (woodford branch again reluctantly repeat)open or wrap… (Kebab Boss):”good good….you try harder next month!…next on the agenda…….BURGER SAUCE!!!!!

Really funny jokes-Wife not talking

admin — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 10:57:13 +0000

One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.

“What’s the matter?” the bartender asks.

“My wife and I got into a fight,” explained the guy “and now she isn’t talking to me for a whole 31 days.”

The bartender thought about this for a while. “But, isn’t it a good thing that she isn’t talking to you?” asked the bartender.

“Yeah, except today is the last night.”

Really funny jokes-Cessna & tower

admin — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 03:55:09 +0000

Cessna: “Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.”

Tower: “Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!”

Cessna: “Uh…tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is.”

Hilarious jokes-Accordionist

admin — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 02:55:17 +0000

What do you call a accordionist with a beeper?

An optimist.