Short funny jokes

Archive for the ‘Really funny jokes’ Category

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO… Cocoa beans… another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for my figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.

Turning to the man next to him he said: – I forgot my teeth.

The man said: – No problem.

With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. – Try these – he said.

The speaker tried them. – Too loose – he said.

The man then said: – I have another pair…try these.

The speaker tried them and responded: – Too tight.

The man was not taken back at all. He then said: – I have one more pair of false teeth…try them.

The speaker said: – They fit perfectly.

With that he ate his meal and gave his address. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.

- I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I’ve been looking for a good dentist.

The man replied: – I’m not a dentist. I’m the local undertaker.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good.

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

A Swede was walking down the street with a duck under his arm.

“Where did you find that monkey?” asked the fellow pedestrian.

“It happens to be a duck.” claimed the Swede.

“Shut up, Swede! I am talking to the duck.”

“Isn’t the principal a dummy!” said a boy to a girl.

“Say, do you know who I am?” asked the girl.

“No.”

“I’m the principal’s daughter.”

“And do you know who I am?” asked the boy.

“No,” she replied.

“Thank goodness!”