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Category: Good Jokes

Race with a Harley

Race with a Harley

I raced a Harley today and after some really hard riding I managed to PASS the guy. I was riding on one of those really, really twisting sections of mountain road with no straight sections to speak of and where most of the bends have warning signs that say “MAX SPEED 50 KPH”.

I knew if I was going to pass one of those monsters with those big-cubic-inch motors, it would have to be a place like this where handling and rider skill are more important than horsepower alone.

I saw the guy up ahead as I exited one of the turns and knew I could catch him, but it wouldn’t be easy. I concentrated on my braking and cornering. Three corners later, I was on his mudguard. Catching him
was one thing; passing him would prove to be another.

Two corners later, I pulled up next to him as we sailed down the mountain. I think he was shocked to see me next to him, as I nearly got by him before he could recover. Next corner, same thing. I’d manage to pull up next to him as we started to enter the corners but when we came out he’d get on the throttle and out-power me. His horsepower was almost too much to overcome, but this only made me more determined than ever.

My only hope was to out-brake him. I held off squeezing the lever until the last instant. I kept my nerve while he lost his. In an instant I was by him. Corner after corner, I could hear the roar of his engine as he struggled to keep up. Three more miles to go before the road straightens out and he would pass me for good.

But now I was in the lead and he would no longer hold me back. I stretched out my lead and by the time we reached the bottom of the canyon, he was more than a full corner behind. I could no longer see him in my rear-view mirror.

Once the road did straighten out, it seemed like it took miles before he passed me, but it was probably just a few hundred yards. I was no match for that kind of horsepower, but it was done. In the tightest section of road, where bravery and skill count for more than horsepower and deep pockets, I had passed him. Though it was not easy, I had won the race to the bottom of the mountain and I had preserved the proud tradition of one of the best bits of Brit iron.

I will always remember that moment. I don’t think I’ve ever pedaled so hard in my life. And, some of the credit must go to Raleigh cycles, as well. They really make a great bicycle…

Life

Life

When life gives you: high fructose corn syrup, citric acid, ascorbic acid, maltodexrin, sodium acid pyrophosphate, magnesium oxide, calcium furnarate, yellow 5, tocopherol and less than 2% natural flavours…

Make lemonade.

How celebrities meet their end

How celebrities meet their end

How celebrities meet their end

Ellen DeGeneres – Suffocates in the closet
Susan Lucci – Trips and breaks her neck while running up steps to accept an Emmy
Jenny McCarthy – Struck by a random thought
Frank Sinatra – Killed by Stranglers in the Night
RuPaul – Prostate cancer
O.J. Simpson – Murdered by the “real killer” in an apparent suicide
Madonna – Exposure
Unabomber – Mail bomb returned due to “insufficient postage”
Al Gore – Dutch Elm Disease
Bill Gates – Falls out of a Window

Funny, Silly and Downright Inconsiderate Names

Funny, Silly and Downright Inconsiderate Names

Top Ten Funny, Silly and Downright Inconsiderate Names.

1. Carrie Oakey – karaoke
2. Terry Bill – terrible
3. Barb Dwyer – barbed wire
4. Stan Still – Sergeant-Major: ‘Stand still you ‘orrible little man.’
5. Annette Kirton – a net curtain
6. Theresa Green or Brown
7. Justin Case
8. Norman Knight
9. Rick O’Shea – as in “ricochet” of a bullet
10.Seymour Legg – see more leg.

Good jokes-A little intellegence

Good jokes-A little intellegence

Three men were on an adventure trip in the forest.  When they were right in the middle of the forest, they found themselves right on the bank of a wild fast moving river full of crocodiles. They didn’t know what to do. It was impossible to cross the river.

Frustrated, the first person called out: “God, dear god, give me some strength to cross the river.” He instinctively found courage and tremendous strength in his arms and legs. It was difficult but he crossed the river in an hour’s time safely.

Seeing this, the second man called out: “O god, grant me some equipment to cross the river.” To his amazement he found a strong boat and two oars floating near him. He too crossed the river in forty five minutes.

The last person had some brains and he called: “Please almighty, give me some intelligence to solve this problem.” He instinctively walked right to where he was standing, walked a quarter of a mile, found a bend, walked in, found a bridge and walked across the river in fifteen minutes.

Good jokes-Barbeque

Good jokes-Barbeque

Among a population of pure vegetarians in a small house there was only one non-vegetarian. The non- vegetarian used to barbeque meat on weekends and the vegetarians felt offended. One day they decided that enough was enough. They got together and went to the non vegetarian and explained to him the benefits of being a vegetarian and disadvantages of being a non-vegetarian. They all implored him to become one like them. The fellow agreed.

So they took him to a priest of a nearby temple they frequented. The priest performed some rituals, sprinkled some holy water and chanted: “You were born as non vegetarian, raised as non-vegetarian. But now you are a holy vegetarian.” The priest repeated this several times.


Everyone was happy till the next day when they found the fellow barbequing meat in the open garden and talking to the meat: “You were born as meat, you were raised as meat but now you are a Brinjal.” So saying he sprinkled some salt and pepper on the meat.

Good jokes-Night landing

Good jokes-Night landing

A Russian space scientist visited an American scientist in his office. After the usual greetings the Russian said: “You know something? We will be the first country to send a spaceship to the sun. I am so proud.”

The American was taken aback. But he maintained his calm and said: “You should be. Err, the temperature there will be thousands and thousands of degrees. Everything will melt.”

“The Russian: “You think we have not thought of that? We plan to land there during night.”

Good jokes-Getting rid of dogs

Good jokes-Getting rid of dogs

One day a farmer went to a butcher and asked: “I have two dogs encroaching on my porch. I have not been able to get rid of them. Can you help me?”

The butcher gave him three pounds of lutefisk and instructed him to scatter them under the porch. Next morning the dogs were gone.

Three days later he once again checked the porch to make sure that the dogs had gone for good. They were but two Norwegian families had moved in, in their place.