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Category: Good Jokes

Santa Singh’s wish

Santa Singh’s wish

Santa Singh meditated hard on the Himalayas seeking blessings from God. God was pleased and said to him, “I shall grant you a wish. Ask.”

Santa said, “I want wings so I can fly.”

God said, “That is against nature. I cannot grant you that. Ask for something else.”

Santa said, “I want to read my wife’s mind. She is very quarrelsome, so if I read her mind, I can avoid many such situations.”

God said, “What was you first wish again?”

 

 

Good jokes-Frightened Paula

Good jokes-Frightened Paula

Paula had come to India to visit old temples and shrines. Her tour guide, Raju led her into a dark cave. Paula hesitated and asked, “I hope there are no rats in this cave.”

Raju replied, “There is no need to be afraid, madam. They have been eaten by cobras.”

Joke of the day-Gangsta son

Joke of the day-Gangsta son

Gangster Bruno’s son Tex returned home after failing his school exams.

When Bruno asked his son the reason, Tex replied, “Father, they interrogated me for 2 hours but I gave nothing away!!”

Internet Cafe Humor

Internet Cafe Humor

Internet Cafe Humor

* Hold mouse up to ear like a cell phone and yell “I can’t hear you!!! You’re going to have to speak louder!”

* Play Pac Man and state to person next to you, “These new games are incredible!”

* Practice ‘spinning mouse mat on index finger’ globe trotter routine.

* Put your monitor’s contrast and brightness on full. With wide open eyes yell “It’s going to implode!”

* Tell the cashier you wish to redeem your free 1000 hours and hand him a bag full of collected AOL promo CD’s.

* Typing hard and loudly looking behind you yell, “STOP MAKING ME TYPE THIS – IT WILL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE!”

* Sit at the web terminal… without a chair.

Difficult to achieve

Difficult to achieve

TWO THINGS ARE DIFFICULT TO ACHIEVE

1. To plant your ideas in someone else’s head.

2. To put someone else’s money in your own pocket.

The one who succeeds in the first one is called a TEACHER.

And the second is called a BUSINESSMAN.

The one who succeeds in both is called a WIFE

The one who fails in both is called a HUSBAND!!!

Chess champ

Chess champ

I had lunch with a chess champion the other day. I knew he was a chess champion because it took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.

Absorbing hobby

Absorbing hobby

I’ve recently taken up a rather unusual hobby.

I travel all over the country collecting blotting paper.

Everyone says I’m mad, but I find it very absorbing.

Ambulance service

Ambulance service

An old lady dialed 911 after falling over in her house.  She didn’t wake the other members of the family.

As the ambulancemen were carrying her out of the front door on a stretcher, her son roused from his slumbers by the noise staggered onto the landing, panicked at the sight of strange men in his home, and tripped all the way downstairs, knocking himself out.

His wife came rushing out of the bedroom to see what was wrong.

Observing her husband lying on the hall floor, she promptly fainted and fell downstairs herself.

The paramedics now had THREE casualties to take instead of one.

The tally rapidly became four when the family dog rampaged furiously into the hall, and inflicted an indignant bite on the bottom of one of the ambulancemen.

A spokesman for the Ambulance Service said: It was quite a night, actually!

Hilarious jokes-Saudi Highway code

Hilarious jokes-Saudi Highway code

SAUDI HIGHWAY CODE

* Never pull into a continuous stream of traffic with your eyes open.

* Slow vehicles should keep to the middle of the road and weave.

* Fast vehicles should stay in the slow lane or on the sidewalk.

* If you are coming from a side road onto the main road, you have the right of way. Do not slow down unless you roll over or hit something.

* Hand signals should primarily indicate the driver’s mood.

* Only stop at a red light if the car in front has stopped.

* At a crossroad when turning left, get into the right hand lane.

* At a crossroad when turning right get into the left-hand lane.

* If a taxi hits you, you are going too slow.

* If a police car hits you, you are driving recklessly.

* If you hit a Saudi it’s your fault.

* If you hit a Korean its his fault.

* If you hit a Yemeni go to the nearest police station and claim your prize.

* Do not enter spaces narrower than the width of the car, or a taxi narrower than the width of the passenger.

* It is a serious offense to drive when the horn is not working,

* The horn operation must be checked at least every 10 meters.

* You may also be required to have brakes.

* Dual carriageways are for driving in both directions, whichever side you are on.

* Do not park on the central reservation, this is reserved for Saudis whose cars are attached to lampposts.

* The internal mirror is for the use of the driver only – to comb his hair, fix his gutra or hang his animals from.

* If you are a foreigner, speed limit signs are in km/h

* If you are a native speed limit signs are in m.p.h.

* All drivers must comply with the speed limit or some multiple thereof.