You know who you are!

I absolutely hate YOU! He keeps hanging around my house despite my best efforts to be rid of him. I think he likes me! And when I finally get rid of him, he keeps coming back. I think he loves me!

He comes in many forms…
telephone bill, water bill, electric bill, gas bill, garbage bill, insurance bill, cable bill, Dr. Bill…

If you drive by my house and see him feel free to shoot his ass on site!

Re-post if Bill haunts you too….

Martin was in a teasing mood and suggested: “Hey Dean, this is nothing. Just go home, put your mouth to the tail pipe and blow as hard as you can. The dents will pop out.”

Dean went home and did what he was told. No result. His wife Marie saw what he was doing and asked: “What on the earth you are doing?” Dean told her.

Marie was thoughtful for a while, then said: “All the air you are blowing is going out of the windows. I suppose you should roll them up first.”

“The prices are too high”

“Well” the merchant says, “you should come back next week we are having a fire sale”.

The patron says, “What do you mean you are having a fire sale next week?”

The merchant says, “Shhh”

Arthur Dent sat and quivered. He had no idea what he was in for, but he knew that he hadn’t liked anything that had happened so far and didn’t think things were likely to change.

The Vogon began to read – a fetid little passage of his own devising.

“Oh twitter xanga…” he began. Spasms wracked Ford’s body – this was worse than ever he’d been prepared for.

“… thy topix are to me–As orkut skype on a lulu bee.”

“Aaaaaaarggggghhhhhh!” went Ford Prefect, wrenching his head back as lumps of pain thumped through it. He could dimly see beside him Arthur lolling and rolling in his seat. He clenched his teeth.

“Digg I implore thee,” continued the merciless Vogon, “my ning shutterfly.”

His voice was rising to a horrible pitch of impassioned stridency. “And rollyo woot me with wikia flickr,– Or I will rend thee in the squidoo with my stornge, see if I don’t!”

“Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrggggggggcccccc!” cried Ford Prefect and threw one final spasm as the electronic enhancement of the last line caught him full blast across the temples. He went limp.

* Last week a JetBlue pilot had a meltdown on a flight to Las Vegas.  But there is a happy ending, the post office has now offered him a job.

* Today Allegiant Airlines will start charging $35 extra if you have carry-on bags. Meanwhile, JetBlue is charging $35 extra if you want a pilot who isn’t insane.

* The Delta flight attendant was removed for acting unstable, but on the bright side he was immediately hired as a pilot for JetBlue.

* Up in Sacramento this week a man jumped on the hood of a police car that was moving. Started screaming his name. He was wearing a puffy winter jacket, a sombrero, one boxing glove. Police say the guy was in a total state of delirium. They didn’t arrest him. Turns out just a JetBlue pilot on break. He was just on break.

* An Australian pilot said a snake appeared in his lap in the cockpit of his plane.  It seems the “snake” would appear every time a pretty flight attendant would walk into the cockpit.

The Boss says, “:Really? Which are these three companies?’

Tom replies, “Power,  Telephone and Credit card companies.”

And small boys love fast car toys

After 15 years…

Guys love dolls…

And girls love fast cars

….What a surprising  role reversal!

“Just send an account for such advice” replied the lawyer.

On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.

The Russian said: “Well, to be honest, I have also seen the movie but , I simply fail to understand how the damn fool could be tricked twice.”