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Category: funny jokes

Santa Banta jokes-A million dollars

Santa Banta jokes-A million dollars

Santa Singh says to his friend Banta Singh, “I will give a million dollars to whoever fulfills my desire.”

Banta Singh asked him, “What is your desire?”

Santa Singh replies, “To receive 2 million dollars.”

 

 

 

Funny jokes-Reverse mechanism

Funny jokes-Reverse mechanism

At a leading newspaper’s office, Robin asked his boss, “Do you think I should put some fire into my articles.”

The boss replied with sarcasm, “It might help if you do the reverse.”

 

Desperately needed an Accountant

Desperately needed an Accountant

Lisa Gibson, the owner of an export business, confided in her friend that she was desperately looking out for somebody to handle her company’s accounts.

Her friend asked, “But didn’t you hire someone only last month?”

Lisa replied, “Yes, that’s exactly the one I am looking for.”

Shivering

Shivering

Reema, aged 86, said to her sister Seema, aged 76. “It was so cold last nite…I was shivering despite my blankets”

Seema said, “Your teeth must have chattered.”

Reema said, “Not sure about that. We have not slept together for years.”

Fine suit

Fine suit

Tony went to the tailor to collect his made-to-order suit. He immediately noticed that the arms were too long. When he pointed it out, tailor Yassin said, “That’s no bother, just pull them up at the elbow and hold them in the front. You look fine now.”

Tony next pointed out the collar. “The collar is way above my neck.”

Yassin the tailor had a ready solution. “No problem. Hunch your back up and it will look just fine.”

Tony said, “But I am stepping on the hem!”

Yassin the tailor said matter-of-factly, “That’s no bother, bend your knees just a bit and it will be just perfect.”

Tony, with his body twisted awkwardly, steps into the streets.

Two girls saw him pass by. One girl said to the other, “Did you see that poor man?”

The other replied, “Yes, but what a fine-looking suit!”

Never argue with your wife

Never argue with your wife

Johnny says to his friend Dave, “You should never argue with your wife.”

Dave exclaims, “Why so?”

Johnny says, “Because it’s like trying to kill the mosquito on your nose. You may or may not kill it, but you will still end up knocking yourself!”

Funny jokes-A complicated divorce

Funny jokes-A complicated divorce

Peter, who belonged to a wealthy business family, was being divorced by his attractive wife.

His lawyer, who was handling the divorce, dropped in to talk to him.

The lawyer said, “I have good news and bad news.  The good news is that she is not demanding a share in any of your future inheritance.”

Peter was overjoyed and said, “Superb! So, what’s the bad news?”

“Oh,” said the lawyer, “after the divorce, she’s marrying your father!”

Think before you gift

Think before you gift

When Emma retired, she was gifted a piano by her husband, Jack.

Emma has always wanted a piano, so Jack thought it would be a perfect gift for her birthday.

A couple of weeks later, when their son dropped in to check on them, he found the piano missing.

On inquiring, his father said,  “Err, we returned the piano. I convinced her her to switch to a saxophone instead.”

When the son asked why did he do that, Jack replied, “Because, with a saxophone, she can’t sing.”

Bachelors and cooking

Bachelors and cooking

Two bachelors, Rick and Dan were talking about cooking.

Rick said, “I got a cookbook once but I could never do anything with it.”

Dan commented, “Was there too much fancy cooking in it?”

Rick replied, “Damn right. Every one of the recipes began the same way. Take a clean dish and….”