March 5th, 2012 by admin

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

I don’t want dinosaur arms. So I’ve decided to work out to maintain my bony physique.

February 21st, 2012 by admin

What did they say about the burger who went skiing for the first time? How the meaty have fallen!

What did they tell the burger who enlisted in the Army? You’ve got no beef, soldier!

What do burgers think when they are surrounded by gherkins? They think they are in a pickle.

What do hamburger workers say on Monday morning? Well, it’s back to the old grind!

What do some burger eaters have? A Hardee appetite!

February 16th, 2012 by admin

This amusing and rather worrying story was reported on St David’s Day, 2006 in the Huddersfield Daily Examiner and on BBC Radio 5 Live. for those of us who use car washes: BE WARNED.

A safety expert is demanding action after his car was damaged in a car wash. Richard Wrigley watched in disbelief as the boot of his red Jaguar got caught up in the mechanism of the drying machine at the car wash at Sainsbury’s Shore Head supermarket.

“I looked in the rear view mirror to see this red thing and realised it was the boot of the car,” he said. “The drying equipment had lifted the boot until it would go no further and crumpled it. I got out and left the driver’s door open. I was looking for a stop button. The next thing I saw was my car door opening further. I tried to move the car forward, but the drier pushed the door open until it was at right angles to the car body.” He added, “There was no way of stopping the machine and there are no safety instructions for drivers. Someone could have been badly injured. The machine didn’t stop when it came into contact with the car boot, it just carried on its way.”

Mr Wrigley, speaking on the radio, remarked that the latest quote to repair his door and boot was some £3000. He added, also, that his children who were with him in the car when this happened apparently thoroughly “enjoyed” the adventure!

February 1st, 2012 by admin

When you are dissatisfied  and would like to go back to youth,

think of Algebra.

January 28th, 2012 by admin

Wikipedia was voluntarily down for a day last week in protest of proposed laws for anti-piracy.  So, for that day you had to go to another source if you wanted misinformation about a topic.

To protest an Internet censorship law, Wikipedia has shut down for 24 hours. So if anyone is trying to look up by bio on Wikipedia, I’m 31, an Olympic medalist, and married to Scarlett Johansson.

-Conan O’Brien