A few moments on your lips

Forever on your hips.

Decades ago, Russi was on a visit to the Tata house and he had parked his car right outside the building. A traffic police constable on duty tried to intimidate Russi: “Yahan kyon gaadi park ki hai? Ye tere baap ka rasta hai?” (Why have you parked your car here? Is this your father’s street?)

Not to be outdone, Russi dragged the fellow to one side end of the lane and pointed to a board which read: “Homi Modi Street* .” Then said: “Haan, ye mere baap ka rasta hai.” (Yes, this is my father’s street).

* The great industrialist, Sir Homi Modi, was Russi Modi’s father.

Banana who?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Banana

Banana who?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Banana

Banana who?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?

Orange

Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn’t say Banana

If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour, it’ll probably stop whining.

“Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!”

What do you get if you cross a mountain and a baby ?

A cry for Alp !

I don’t want dinosaur arms. So I’ve decided to work out to maintain my bony physique.

What did they tell the burger who enlisted in the Army? You’ve got no beef, soldier!

What do burgers think when they are surrounded by gherkins? They think they are in a pickle.

What do hamburger workers say on Monday morning? Well, it’s back to the old grind!

What do some burger eaters have? A Hardee appetite!

A safety expert is demanding action after his car was damaged in a car wash. Richard Wrigley watched in disbelief as the boot of his red Jaguar got caught up in the mechanism of the drying machine at the car wash at Sainsbury’s Shore Head supermarket.

“I looked in the rear view mirror to see this red thing and realised it was the boot of the car,” he said. “The drying equipment had lifted the boot until it would go no further and crumpled it. I got out and left the driver’s door open. I was looking for a stop button. The next thing I saw was my car door opening further. I tried to move the car forward, but the drier pushed the door open until it was at right angles to the car body.” He added, “There was no way of stopping the machine and there are no safety instructions for drivers. Someone could have been badly injured. The machine didn’t stop when it came into contact with the car boot, it just carried on its way.”

Mr Wrigley, speaking on the radio, remarked that the latest quote to repair his door and boot was some £3000. He added, also, that his children who were with him in the car when this happened apparently thoroughly “enjoyed” the adventure!

think of Algebra.

To protest an Internet censorship law, Wikipedia has shut down for 24 hours. So if anyone is trying to look up by bio on Wikipedia, I’m 31, an Olympic medalist, and married to Scarlett Johansson.

-Conan O’Brien