Short funny jokes

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What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?

Beneduck Arnold!

A man walks up to the counter at the airport.

“Can I help you?” asks the agent.

“I want a round trip ticket,” says the man.

“Where to?” asks the agent.

“Right back to here.”

What did the mummy snake say to the crying baby snake?

Stop crying and viper your nose.

National Corruption Institute of India (NCII)

Listed on the World Corruption Index as the World’s Best C-School

Invites Applications for 3 Years’ Undergraduate Bachelors Degree in Corruption (BC).
Earn your BC from the World’s Most Reputed Institute for Corruption Studies

OUR COMPREHENSIVE SYLLABUS INCLUDES:-

Financial Theory and Practice
Transfer of funds through HAWALA for creation of MASS GHOTALA
FINANCIAL NETWORKING – Movement of money through well engineered networks between State Party Units and Central Party Unit.
Solicitation methods to increase donations towards Party Fund.
Theory and application of Popular BRIBE concepts and methods like ‘Chai Pani’, ‘Parcel’, ‘Change’, ‘Gift Box’ , ‘Color TV’, ‘Foreign Trip’ and the ever popular ‘Children’s School Fees’
Public Relations (PR) and Media Management
Learn how to be MISQUOTED BY THE MEDIA.
Learn to say the right things to be QUOTED OUT OF CONTEXT.
Excellent training in PARTY SPOKESMANOLOGY. Learn how to argue with spokespersons of other Parties on TV like Professor Manish Tewari and Professor Ravi Shankar Prasad.
Develop skills for public gestures like NAMASTE, V-for-Victory  and HAND WAVING.
Learn the art of proving all allegations as “BASELESS AND POLITICALLY MOTIVATED”.
Effectively refute STING OPERATIONS.
Advanced course in proving that VIDEO FOOTAGE IS FALSE AND MANIPULATED.
Law and Order Module

In this module you will learn how to:
Commit MURDER and RAPE
Bring LOCAL POLICE under your control
Get BAIL super fast if you are ever arrested
Apply and get speedy ANTICIPATORY BAIL so you don’t get arrested in the first place!
FIGHT ELECTIONS FROM JAIL! Special training lectures on this important topic will be handled by two authorities, viz.,  Visiting Professors Shahbuddin and Pappu Yadav!
Advanced Riotology
Methods to build your own storage houses for HOCKEY STICKS AND WEAPONS to engineer riots.
Identify and develop your own fuel depots for easy and widespread dispersal of RIOT FRIENDLY PETROL TANKERS
Form effective partnerships with local liquor stores for easy procurement of ‘DESI DARU’ to get rioters high and ensure awesome rioting!
Full study in CONTEMPORARY BUS BURNING. New age exciting methods for INSTANTANEOUS BUS COMBUSTION.
Practicals and field work on Kashmir method of inciting riots through STONE THROWING.
Actual rioting demonstrations under the expert tutelage of Professor Pravin Togadia.
Gain Extensive Knowledge from Our Faculty of World cl-ASS Professors

Special Modules on:
‘2G SPECTRUM – A Telecommunications Perspective’ – By Professor Andimuthu Raja
‘Flat Grabbing from Army Jawan’ – By Professor Ashok Chavan
‘The Correct Standard of Clean’ – By Professor Lalit Bhanot
‘Sports Medal or No Medal, in Corruption Always Get Gold Medal’ – By Professor Suresh Kalmadi
‘Application of Corruption on Non Human Species – Stealing Money for Cattle Fodder’ – By Professor Dr Laloo Prasad Yadav
‘Building A Corridor for The Taj Mahal Can Cost More Money than Building The Taj Mahal Itself’ – By Professor Mayawati Kumari.
Agriculture & Food Supply ideal tools for major gains in Money supply by Sharad Pawar
Also visiting professors from ITALY , “How to make money by connections only”
And Many Many More!!

SO FORGET B-SCHOOL!
BE COOL, JOIN C-SCHOOL.
NCII IS THE BEST.

During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord’s prayer from “give us this day our daily bread” to “give us this day our daily chicken.” and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities.

The Pope declined.

2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer.

Again the Pope declined.

A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts.

At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format.

The good news is… that we have 100 million dollars for charities.

The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!