Short funny jokes

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A lady took a bus one morning. She was carrying her little baby.
As she entered, the bus driver commented, ‘Look at that! That’s one ugly baby.”
The woman was deeply offended but did not say anything.
She found a seat next to an old man.
The man could make out from her face that she was angry and asked her the reason for her anger.
She replied, “That bus driver insulted me.”
“Why did you take it from him?,” the man replied. “He’s a public service person and should treat you with respect.  If I were in your place, I would take down his badge number and report him to the authorities.”
“You’re right sir, I think I will do just that,” she said and got up from her seat.
The old man offered, “You go and get his badge number and I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

A renowned philosopher was held in high regard by his driver, who listened in awe at every speech while his boss would easily answer questions about morality and ethics.

Then one day the driver approached the philosopher and asked if he was willing to switch roles for the evening’s lecture. The philosopher agreed and, for a while, the driver handled himself remarkably well. When it came time for questions from the guests, a woman in the back asked, “Is the epistemological view of the universe still valid in an existentialist world?”

“That is an extremely simple question,” he responded. “So simple, in fact, that even my driver could answer that, which is exactly what he will do.”

A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the little girl’s grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, “Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?”

“Of course not, dear.” replied the mother, “Why would you think that?”

“The tombstone back there said ‘Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.’”

Dear Lord

So far this year I’ve done well.

I haven’t gossiped, I haven’t lost my temper, I haven’t been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I’m very thankful for that.  But in a few minutes, Lord, I’m going to get out of bed, and from then on I’m probably going to need a lot more help.

Why did you drop the baby?

Well, Mrs Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby, so I wanted to see if he did.