May 16th, 2012 by admin
Abe’s son Morris arrived home from school puffing and panting, sweat rolling down his face.
“Dad, you’ll be so proud of me,” Morris said, “I saved a dollar by running behind the bus all the way home!”
“Morris, you are a stupid boy!” said Abe, “You could have run behind a taxi and saved $12.00!”
May 8th, 2012 by admin
Bob is walking down a country road when he spots Farmer Harris standing in the middle of a huge field of corn doing absolutely nothing. Bob, curious to find out what’s
happening, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, “Excuse me Farmer Harris, could you tell me what you are you doing?”
“I’m trying to win a Nobel Prize,” the farmer replies.
“A Nobel Prize?” enquires Bob, puzzled. “How?”
“Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field.”
May 1st, 2012 by admin
One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot. He really wanted this bird, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher.
Finally, after he bid way more than he intended, he won the bid – the parrot was his at last!
As he was paying for the parrot, he said to the Auctioneer, “I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for it, only to find out that he can’t talk!”
“Don’t worry.” said the Auctioneer, “He can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?”
April 12th, 2012 by admin
George W. Bush told Dick Cheney, “I really hate all the stupid jokes people make about me.” Cheney reassured him by saying, “Jokes can’t hurt you. They are just made up by a bunch of stupid people. In fact, most humans are quite stupid. Here, I’ll show you what I mean.”
Cheney goes outside and hails a D.C. cab and says to the driver, “Please take me to 261 M street to see if I’m home, ” said Cheney.
Without a word, the cabbie took them straight to M Street. Cheney then rang the doorbell, came back to the car and said, “Oh, I guess I’m not there! Take us back to where we started, please.”
The cabbie did what he was told without a word. Cheney leaned over and said to Dubya, “You get the idea? People are idiots wherever you go! Don’t worry about their opinions!”
Bush said, “Thanks Dick. I feel a lot better.” Then he winked and whispered, “Hooboy, was he stupid! He picked us up right in front of a phone booth. He should have realized you could have called instead!
April 6th, 2012 by admin
Dear IRS,
Enclosed is my 1997 tax return and payment. Please take note of the attached article from the USA Today newspaper. In the article, you will see that the Pentagon is paying $171.50 for hammers and NASA has paid $600.00 for a toilet seat.
Please find enclosed four toilet seats (value $2400) and six hammers (value $1029).
This brings my total payment to $3429.00. Please note the overpayment of $22.00 and apply it to the ‘Presidential Election Fund’, as noted on my return. Might I suggest you then send the above mentioned fund a ‘1.5 inch screw’. (See attached article – HUD paid $22.00 for a 1.5 inch Phillips Head Screw.)
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year. I have just read an article about the Pentagon and ’screwdrivers’.
Sincerely,
Disgruntled of Oklahoma.