March 29th, 2010 by admin

Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From chasing parked ambulances.

March 27th, 2010 by admin

A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light. The guy is a real jerk and comes running back to the officer demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer’s ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit terms.

The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything.

When he gets done with writing the ticket he puts an “AH” in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the ‘violator’ for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the “AH” and demands to know what it stands for.

The officer says, “That’s so when we go to court, I’ll remember that you’re an a**hole!”

Two months later they’re in court. The ‘violator’ has such a bad driving record he is about to lose his license and has hired a lawyer to represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light. Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; “Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket you issued my client?”

Officer responds, “Yes, sir, that is the defendant’s copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top.”

Lawyer: “Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don’t normally make?”

“Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an “AH,” underlined.”

“What does the “AH” stand for, officer?”

“Aggressive and hostile, Sir.”

“Aggressive and hostile?”

“Yes, Sir?

“Officer, are you sure it doesn’t stand for A**hole?”

“Well, sir, you know your client better than I do!”

March 27th, 2010 by admin

“I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.”

March 26th, 2010 by admin

Friend: how many women do u believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Coz the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse.

March 26th, 2010 by admin

Pastor’s Donkey

A pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local newspaper read: PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local newspaper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back them donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES…HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day….
The moral of the story is…. Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery … and even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life….. You’ll be a lot happier and live longer!