March 31st, 2010 by admin

A timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference for an organization… Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, ‘Why the spoon?’ ‘Well,’ he explained, ‘the restaurant’s owners hired Mckinsey & Co., to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour.. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 115.27 man-hours per shift.’ As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. ‘I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.’ I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, ‘Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?’ ‘Oh, certainly!’ Then he lowered his voice. ‘Not everyone is so observant.That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the bathroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the bathroom by 76.39 percent.’ ‘After you get it out, how do you put it back?’ ‘Well,’ he whispered, ‘I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.’

March 31st, 2010 by admin

She was so blonde…
Under ‘education’ on her job application, she put ‘Hooked On Phonics.’

March 30th, 2010 by admin

Four brothers left home for college, and they became successful doctors and lawyers and prospered.

Some years later, they chatted after having dinner together. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother who lived far away in another city.

The first said, “I had a big house built for Mama.”

The second said, ” I had a hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house.”

The third said, “I had my Mercedes dealer deliver an SL600 to her.”

The fourth said, “You know how Mamma loved reading the Bible and you know she can’t read anymore because she can’t see very well. I met this preacher who told me about a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took twenty preachers 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years to the church, but it was worth it. Mamma just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it.”

The other brothers were impressed.

After the holidays Mom sent out her Thank You notes.

She wrote: “Milton, the house you built is so huge I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house. Thanks anyway.”

“Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home, I have my groceries delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. The thought was good. Thanks.”

“Michael, you gave me an expensive theater with Dolby sound, it could  hold 50 people, but all of my friends are dead, I’ve lost my hearing and I’m nearly blind. I’ll never use it. Thank you for the gesture just the same.”

“Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a little thought to your gift. The chicken was delicious. Thank you.”

Luv Ya, Mama

March 30th, 2010 by admin

Waiter: I’ve stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog’s leg.
Customer: Don’t tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

March 29th, 2010 by admin

There was a man who said, “I never knew what happiness was until I got married…and then it was too late!”