February 24th, 2010 by admin

Q: What would you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

February 24th, 2010 by admin

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, “My elbow
hurts like crazy. I guess I better see a doctor.”

“Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Mike replies.
“There’s a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine
sample and the computer will tell you what’s wrong and what to do about
it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars… a lot cheaper than a
doctor.”

So Joe puts a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart. He
deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine
sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later,
the computer ejects a printout: “You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in
warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank
you for shopping at Wal-Mart.”

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe
began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap
water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and
daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.

Joe hurried back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results.
He deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the
results.

The computer then prints the following:

1.    Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)

2.    Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3.    Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4.    Your wife is pregnant, Twins. They aren’t yours. Get a lawyer

5.    If you don’t stop playing with yourself, your tennis elbow will never
get better!

Thank you for shopping at Wal-Mart

February 23rd, 2010 by admin

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.

The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said, “I am a Father.” The little boy replied, “My Daddy doesn’t wear his collar like that. ”

The priest looked up from his book and answered “I am the Father of many.”

The boy said, “My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn’t wear his collar that way.. ”

The priest, getting impatient, said, “I am the Father of hundreds” and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said,

“Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar.”

February 23rd, 2010 by admin

A guy goes to visit his grandmother and he brings his friends with him.
While he’s talking to his grandmother, his friend starts eating the peanuts on the coffee table, and finishes them off. As they’re leaving, his friend says to his grandmother, “Thanks for the peanuts.
” She says, “Yeah, since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off ‘em.

February 22nd, 2010 by admin

Blonde Moments!

Rachel and Lena two blondes were sitting down to their usual morning
cup of coffee listening to the weather report coming over the radio.
“There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has
been declared” the weather report said.
“You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets.”
Rachel says “Jeez, okay,”  and gets up from her coffee.

The next day they’re sitting down with their morning cups of
coffee and the weather forecast is “There will be 2 to 4 inches
of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared.
You must park your cars on the even numbered side of the streets.”
Again Rachel says “Jeez, okay,” and gets up from her coffee.

Two days later, again they’re sitting down with their cups of
coffee and the weather forecast is “There will be 6 to 8 inches
of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared.
You must park your cars on the…”and then the power goes out and
Rachel doesn’t get the rest of the instructions.
She turns to Lena and says “Jeez, what am I going to do now, Lena?”
And Lena replies “Aw, Rachel, just leave the car in the garage today.”