Short funny jokes

Archive for January, 2010

A bachelor Man asked his physician, “I Want to live healthy and longer.”
The Doctor advised, “Good thought, Get married.”
The man asked, “Oh you mean the exercise of sex will make me live longer.”
The Doctor said, “No it is the want of sex that will kill your thought.”

The Centre for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand & even electronically.

This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).
If u receive WORK from ur boss, any of your colleagues or any1 else via any means whatsoever – DO NOT TOUCH IT!!!

This virus will wipe out ur private life entirely. If u should come into contact with WORK u should immediately leave d premises.

Take two good friends to d nearest liquor store & purchase one or both of the antidotes – Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) & Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER).

Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

A young woman teacher with obvious liberal tendencies explains to her class of small children that she is an atheist. She asks her class if they are atheists too. Not really knowing what atheism is but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A beautiful girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

“Because I’m not an atheist.”

Then, asks the teacher, “What are you?”

“I’m a Christian.”

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Lucy why she is a Christian.

“Well, I was brought up knowing and loving Jesus. My mom is a Christian, and my dad is a Christian, so I am a Christian.”

The teacher is now angry. “That’s no reason,” she says loudly.

“What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?”

She paused, and smiled. “Then,” says Lucy, “I’d be an atheist.”

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue. . . . .

Doctor: “What happened?

“Woman:” Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp…

“Doctor:”I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of Assam tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle”

2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.
Woman:” Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled repeatedly with Assam tea and he never touched me.

Doctor: “You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!!!”

A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy & a girl sitting at the top of the roof & kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married. Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?