Short funny jokes

Archive for January, 2010

My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse.

Then she told me to take off her skirt.

Then she told me not to wear her clothes anymore.

Two friends staying nearby met  one day morning.

1st: I kiss my wife every day morning before going to my office. How about you?

2nd: I kiss after you go to your office

Why did the blonde have to drink a hot Pepsi?
Because she couldn’t fit any ice into the bottle

When I was 4 Yrs Old : My father is THE BEST

When I was 6 Yrs Old : My father seems to know everyone

When I was 10 Yrs Old : My father is excellent but he is short tempered

When I was 12 Yrs Old : My father was nice when I was little

When I was 14 Yrs Old : My father started being too sensitive

When I was 16 Yrs Old : My father can’t keep up with modern time

When I was 18 Yrs Old : My father is getting less tolerant as the days pass by

When I was 20 Yrs Old : It is too hard to forgive my father, how could my Mum stand him all these years

When I was 25 Yrs Old : My father seems to be objecting to everything I do

When I was 30 Yrs Old: It’s very difficult to be in agreement with my father, I wonder if my Grandfather was troubled by my father when he was a youth

When I was 40 Yrs Old: My father brought me up with a lot of discipline, I must do the same

When I was 45 Yrs Old: I am puzzled, how did my father manage to raise all of us

When I was 50 Yrs Old : It’s rather difficult to control my kids, how much did my father suffer for the sake of upbringing and protecting us

When I was 55 Yrs Old: My father was far looking and had wide plans for us, he was gentle and outstanding.

When I became 60 Yrs Old: My father is THE BEST

Tom, a middle aged guy in Dallas, Texas bought a brand new convertible Porsche.

He took off down the road and pushed it up to 160 MPH and was enjoying the wind blowing through his (thinning) hair.

“This is great,” he thought and accelerated to an even higher speed. But when he eventually looked in his rear-view mirror there was a Ford Crown Victoria Police Car behind him, blue lights flashing.

“I can get away from him with no problem” thought the man and he floored it some more, and flew down the road at over 210 mph to escape being stopped.

Then he thought, what the hell am I doing? “I’m too old for this kind of thing” and pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the Police car to catch up with him.

The Policeman pulled in behind the Porsche and walked up on the driver’s side.

“Sir, my Shift ends in five minutes and today is Wednesday 22 November a day before Thanksgiving “If you can give me a good reason that I’ve never heard before as to why you were speeding, I’ll let you go.”

The man looked back at the Policeman and said, “Last week my wife ran off with an American Policeman and I thought you were bringing her back.”

The Policeman said, “Have a nice day, sir”