December 21st, 2009 by admin

Dan: Hello. Jane and I aren’t here right now but if…

Jane: Dan, what are you doing?

Dan: I’m leaving a phone message since we aren’t here.

Jane: But you left the last one — it’s my turn.

Dan: No, I’m sure it’s my turn.

Jane: No, you selfish . It’s definitely my turn!

Dan: Jane, you ignorant slut. I know it’s… wait… Jane… what are you

doing with that frying pan?!?

BONK [really loud thud]

.
.
.

Jane: Dan is out right now, so please leave your name and number

December 21st, 2009 by admin

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

December 19th, 2009 by admin

Once in Brazil a plane crashed, only a monkey who was  traveling in the plane was left alive. Fortunately the monkey was intelligent  enough to understand our language and reply in actions.
The officials went to  see the monkey in the hospital and had a talk with the  monkey.

Officer: “When the plane took off what were the travelers  doing?”
Monkey: “Tying their belts”
Officer: “What were the air hostesses  doing?”
Monkey: “Saying Hello! Good morning!”
Officer: “What were the  pilots doing?”
Monkey: “Checking the system”
Officer: “What were you  doing?”
Monkey: “Looking for my people”

Officer: “After 10′ minutes  what were the travelers doing?”
Monkey: “Having beverages and  snacks”
Officer: “What were the air hostesses doing?”
Monkey: “Serving the  travelers”
Officer: “What were the Pilots doing?”
Monkey: “Handling the  steering”
Officer: “What were you doing?”
Monkey: “Eating &  throwing”

Officer: “After 30 minutes what were the travelers doing?”
Monkey: “Some were sleeping and some were reading”
Officer: “What were  the air hostesses doing?”
Monkey: “Make up”
Officer: “What were the pilots  doing?”
Monkey: “Handling the steering”
Officer: “What were you  doing?”
Monkey: “Nothing”

Officer: “Just before plane crash what were  the travelers doing?”
Monkey: “All were sleeping”
Officer: “What were the  pilots doing?”
Monkey: “Handling the air hostess”
Officer: What were you  doing?
Monkey: Handling the steering!!!! !

No  more Questions!!! !!!!!!!!!

December 19th, 2009 by admin

Q: How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
A: It is the one with the kickstand.

December 18th, 2009 by admin

God said, ‘Adam, I  want you to do something for Me.’

Adam said, ‘Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?’

God said, ‘Go down into that valley.’

Adam said, ‘What’s a valley?’

God explained it to him. Then God said, ‘Cross the river.’

Adam said, ‘What’s a river?’

God explained that to him, and then said, ‘Go over to the hill…’

Adam said, ‘What is a hill?’

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.

He told Adam, ‘On the other side of the hill you will find a  cave.’

Adam said, ‘What’s a cave?’

After God explained, He said, ‘In the cave you will find a woman.’

Adam said, ‘What’s a woman?’

So God explained that to him, too.

Then, God said, ‘I want you to reproduce.’

Adam said, ‘How do I do that?’

God first said (under His breath), ‘Geez…’

And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.

Then, in about five minutes, he was back.

God, His patience wearing thin, said  angrily, ‘What is it   now?’

And Adam said….

‘What’s a headache?’