Short funny jokes

Archive for October, 2009

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.

The note read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.”

Bill walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged standing at the counter enthusiastically writing addresses on bright pink envelopes covered with hearts.
He then takes out a scent bottle and starts spraying perfume over them. Bills curiosity gets the better of him and he walks over to the man and asks him what he’s doing.
Im sending out 1,000 Valentine’s Day cards signed, “Guess who? says the man.
Why on earth are you doing that? asks Bill.
Because I am a divorce lawyer. replies the man.

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away.”

“I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary.They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known “happy going marriage”.  Editor: “Sir. It’s amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?”Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: ”We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse’s back and said “This is your first time”. She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said “This is your second time” and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead !!I shouted at my wife: “What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you  crazy?” ..She gave a silent look and said: “This is your first time!!!”.”  Husband:”That’s it. We are happy ever after.”

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the “y” becomes silent.