Short funny jokes

Archive for October, 2009

A wife hit her husband with a frying pan.
Husband: What was that for..?
Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the name Jenny on it.
Husband: I took part in a race last week and Jenny was the name of my horse.
Wife: Sorry..!
Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again
Husband: What now..?
Wife: Your horse is on the Phone.

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.

The doctor says, “Okay, Mrs. Jones, what’s the problem?”

The mother says, “It’s my daughter Darla. She keeps getting these cravings, she’s putting on weight, and is sick most mornings.”

The doctor gives Darla a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, but your Darla is pregnant — about 4 months, would be my guess.”

The mother says, “Pregnant?! She can’t be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Darla?”

Darla says, “No mother! I’ve never even kissed a man!”

The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says, “Is there something wrong out there doctor?” The doctor replies, “No, not really, it’s just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I’ll be damned if I’m going to miss it this time!”

Someone out there must be “deadly” at Scrabble.
—-> PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

—-> ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

—-> DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

—-> THE EYES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

—-> GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

—-> THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

—-> DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

—-> SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

—-> ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

—-> ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES – LET’S RECOUNT

—-> SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S

—-> A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I’M A DOT IN PLACE

—-> THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

—-> ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

—-> MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Why do jocks play on artificial turf?

To keep them from grazing.

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
“Grandpa, what are you doing? Your weenie is out in the wind for everyone to see!” he exclaimed . The old man looked off in the distance without answering.
“Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below the waist?” he asked again.
The old man slowly looked at him and said, “Well….last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma’s idea.