June 27th, 2009 by admin
The woman was happily showing off her new mink coat.
“It was nice of your husband to buy you that fur coat,” said her friend.
“He had to,” replied the woman. “I caught him kissing the maid.”
“How dreadful. Did you fire her?”
“No.” She smiled. “I still need a new dress and purse.”
June 27th, 2009 by admin
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, “I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.”
The woman replies, “I’ll miss you…”
June 26th, 2009 by admin
Grandma was nearly ninety years of age when she won 1,000,000 pounds on the football pools. Her family were extremely worried about her heart and feared that news of her large win would come as too much of a shock for her.
‘Think we had better call in the doctor to tell her the news,’ suggested the eldest son.
The doctor soon arrived and the situation was explained to him.
‘Now, you don’t have to worry about anything,’ said the doctor. ‘I am fully trained in such delicate matters and I feel sure I can break this news to her gently. I assure you, there is absolutely no need for you to fear for her health. Everything will be quite safe if left to me.’
The doctor went in to see the old lady and gradually brought the conversation around to football pools.
‘Tell me,’ said the doctor, ‘what would you do if you had a large win on the pools – say one million pounds?’
‘Why,’ replied the old lady, ‘I’d give half of it to you, of course.’
The doctor fell down dead with shock.
June 26th, 2009 by admin
A gorilla walks into a bar. The bartender comes up to him and asks him what he wants. “A scotch on the rocks, please.” He then lays a ten-dollar bill on the bar.
The bartender takes the money and goes to fix the gorilla’s drink. He thinks to himself, “Hey, this is a gorilla. He doesn’t know about the prices of drinks,” and takes fifteen cents back as change. He sets the drink and the money on the bar.
Another bartender asks the first bartender about the gorilla and he says, “Yeah, he’s nice. Go talk to him.”
The second bartender goes to the gorilla and strikes up a conversation. “Hey there. You know, we don’t get too many gorillas in here.”
The gorilla responded, “Well, at $9.85 a drink, I surely ain’t coming back.”
June 26th, 2009 by admin
She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she’d done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, “But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!” I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye…