Short funny jokes

Archive for May, 2009

Q: Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book?
A: They all have phones.

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile….Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband’s funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and
saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Reached
Date: 16 May 2004

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They gave computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I’ve just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

What is the difference between an angry crowd and a cow with a sore
throat?
One boos madly and the moos badly.

A Spanish Naval captain was walking leisurely on his battleship when a subordinate rushes over to him and says “Sir, an enemy battleship is fast approaching us. We should be ready.”
The captain replies coolly “Go. Get my Red shirt.” The subordinate rushes over and gets the Shirt for his captain. The captain wears the red shirt.
After some time, the enemy battleship comes in range. Consequently heavy rounds of fire are exchanged between the two battleships. After much effort, the Spanish win.
The subordinate approaches his boss, “Congratulations for the victory sir, but why did you require the red shirt in the first place?”
The captain replies “Because, during the war if I got injured then my blood should not have been seen as I did not want my men to lose hope and to Fight with the same ferocity.”
Just then another subordinate rushes over. “Sir, we just spotted another 20 enemy battleships heading in our direction.”
The captain replies coolly “Go. Get my yellow trousers.”

A well-known proverb states that an optimistic would say a glass is half full, while a pessimist would say it is half empty.

What would people of different professions and walks of life say?

The BANKER would say that the glass has just under 50% of its net worth in liquid assets.

The GOVERNMENT would say that the glass is fuller than if the opposition party were in power.

The OPPOSITION would say that it is irrelevant because the present administration has changed the way such volume statistics are collected.

The ECONOMIST would say that, in real terms, the glass is 25% fuller than at the same time last year.

The PHILOSOPHER would say that, if the glass was in the forest and no one was there to see it, would it be half anything?

The PSYCHIATRIST would ask, “What did your mother say about the glass?”

The PHYSICIST would say that the volume of this cylinder is divided into two equal parts; one a colorless, odorless liquid, the other a colorless, odorless gas. Thus the cylinder is neither full nor empty. Rather, each half of the cylinder is full, one with a gas, one with a liquid.

The SEASONED DRINKER would say that the glass doesn’t have enough ice in it.