April 28th, 2009 by admin
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important
guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed.
He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails , he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself, “Wouldn’t it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?” He went back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They started talking and she invited him back to her place. They ended up spending the night together.
At seven o’clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, “Oh no!!! My wife’s dinner party!!!” He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top
of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he’s been all this time.
He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said, “Come on guys, we’re almost there!!”
April 27th, 2009 by admin
A patient was at her doctor’s office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, “I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live.” The patient asked, “Oh doctor, what should I do?” The doctor replied, “Marry an accountant.” “Will that make me live longer?” asked the patient. “No,” said the doctor, “but it will SEEM longer.”
April 27th, 2009 by admin
Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal
April 27th, 2009 by admin
Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a hugeparty, and during the party he announces,
“My dear guests…I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!”
As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large SPLASH!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could…thecrowd cheered him on as he kept stroking. Finally, he made it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire was impressed. He said,
“My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn’t think it couldbe done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain…which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?”
The guy says, “Listen, I don’t want your money! And I don’t want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that WATER!!!
April 26th, 2009 by admin
Jerry was removing some engine valves from a car on the lift when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Samuel Kaiser, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager.
Jerry, who was somewhat of a loud mouth, shouted across the garage, “Hey Kaiser. Is dat you? Come over here a minute.”
The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Jerry was working on the car. Jerry, in a loud voice that all could hear, said argumentatively, “So Mr. fancy doctor, look at this work. I too, take valves out, grind ‘em, put in new parts, and when I’m finished, this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me are doing basically the same work?”
Dr. Kaiser, very embarrassed, shook his head and replied in a soft voice, “Try doing your work with the engine running.”