April 30th, 2009 by admin
A young man was pulled over by the Mississippi State Police for speeding. The officer stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man’s window. “What chew driving so fast for boy? You going to a fahhr? Let me see your license, boy.” The young man handed over his license.
Then the officer noticed that the back seat of the car was full of large knives. The officer said, “Tell me boy, why you got them knives on that there back seat?” The young man replied, “Well sir, I’m a juggler.” The officer spat some tobacco juice and then he said, “A juggler; well you don’t say. Boy, put cha hands on the trunk of yer car; you going to jail!”
The young man pleaded with the officer not to take him to jail. He offered to prove to the officer that he was a juggler by way of demonstration. He said, “You can even hold me at gunpoint while I juggle for you.” The officer reluctantly allowed him to prove his point while he held him at gunpoint.
Two miles down the road at Joe’s Tavern, Billy Bub was drinking it up with Jerry Lee Jones. Billy Bub soon left and got into his old, rusty pickup truck. He proceeded down the road trying his best to stay on the right side. All of a sudden Billy Bub spotted the most unbelievable sight of his life! He drove to the nearest phone booth and dialed the number for Joe’s Tavern and asked for his buddy, Jerry Lee.
When Jerry Lee got on the phone, Billy Bub said, “Whatever you do when you leave that tavern, don’t go north on route 109. The state police are giving a sobriety test that nobody can pass!”
April 30th, 2009 by admin
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead.
As the panda stands up to leave, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!”
The panda yells back at the manager, “Hey man, I’m a PANDA! Look it up!”
The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: “A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”
April 29th, 2009 by admin
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.
“The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.”
“But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have eaten, or will eat. Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?”
After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old Jewish man in the front row, raised his hand and said,
“Wedding Cake?”
April 28th, 2009 by admin
What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.
April 28th, 2009 by admin
A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion.
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it read “Rest in Peace.” The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist said. “Sir, I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry you should imagine this: Somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, ‘Congratulations on your new location’.”