Short funny jokes

Archive for March, 2009

The minister’s car wouldn’t start, so he called the garage.
When the tow truck driver arrived, the minister says, “I hope you go easy on me. You know I’m only a poor preacher.”
“Yep,” replied the tow truck driver, “I’ve heard you preach.”

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his
customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove
it to you.”
The barber puts a quarter in one hand and two nickels in the other,
then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”
The boy takes the two nickels and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take two nickels
instead of the quarter?”
The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because THE DAY I TAKE THE
QUARTER, THE GAME IS OVER”

Q: Why does a blonde always fail her road test?
A: Because every time the car stops, she jumps in the backseat!

A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises,
two black eyes, and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, “What happened to you?”
“Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a
difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture.
We went to look for them and while I was looking around I noticed one
of the cows had something white at its rear end.”
“I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf
ball with my wife’s monogram on it – stuck right in the middle of the
cow’s ass.”
Still holding the cow’s tail up, I yelled to my wife, “Hey, this looks
like yours!”
“I don’t remember much after that…”

One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops – a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well.
At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight,built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground.
He glared at the driver and said, “Big John doesn’t pay!” and sat down at the back.
Did I mention that the driver was five feet three, thin, and basically meek? Well, he was. Naturally, he didn’t argue with Big John, but he wasn’t happy about it.
The next day the same thing happened – Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down.
And the next day, and the next.
This grated on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff.
By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what’s more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, “Big John doesn’t pay!”
The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, “And why not? ”
With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, “Big John has a bus pass .”
Management Lesson: “Be sure there is a problem in the first place before working hard to solve one.”