Live together

Bubba’s wife says, “I heard that men and women are not allowed to live together in Heaven.”

Bubba comments, “You heard right, Mary. That’s the reason why it’s called Heaven!”

Flute player

What is the difference between a Flute player and a 16-inch margherita pizza?

A 16-inch can feed a family of four.

Complex?

Private Ted Smith goes to the Army shrink and says to him,”I suffer from an inferiority complex.”

The Army shrink says to him, “Nothing can be done about it. You privates don’t have an inferiority complex, you are just inferior.”

Fine suit

Tony went to the tailor to collect his made-to-order suit. He immediately noticed that the arms were too long. When he pointed it out, tailor Yassin said, “That’s no bother, just pull them up at the elbow and hold them in the front. You look fine now.”

Tony next pointed out the collar. “The collar is way above my neck.”

Yassin the tailor had a ready solution. “No problem. Hunch your back up and it will look just fine.”

Tony said, “But I am stepping on the hem!”

Yassin the tailor said matter-of-factly, “That’s no bother, bend your knees just a bit and it will be just perfect.”

Tony, with his body twisted awkwardly, steps into the streets.

Two girls saw him pass by. One girl said to the other, “Did you see that poor man?”

The other replied, “Yes, but what a fine-looking suit!”

Member of Parliament

This is a funny story doing the rounds in the Indian Parliament. An MP (Member of Parliament) who was fast asleep at home, was woken up in the middle of the night by his wife. She whispered to him, “I think there are thieves in the House.”

“Not possible”, said the MP groggy with sleep, “In the Parliament, yes, but not in the House.”